This #AutisticElder Begins… to Worry… about Dementia.
I’ll be 68 on June 4, 2021.
Trust me. That’s a long time to be autistic. Average lifespan of a male autistic estimated at 53…
Over the last year, I began to worry. I may be feeling…
Oncoming dementia.
Which is terrifying…
Frankly.
And most unfortunately… (since periods of random confusion are clearly among “signs” to ponder…)
I am confused.
Maybe, I’m more deeply aware of my late-diagnosed autistic mind?…
Or,… maybe, just maybe… I’m about to blog for y’all…
the slow, steady decline…
of the one bodily organ,
I could ever rely on…
to survive…
My brain.
…
Hell. I seem to thrive on blogging about icky stuff. Stuff that folks find hard to talk about.
So… to begin… finally,…
Since my last birthday…
I go through longer, more frequent dark depressions. Fact, most of last winter, I couldn’t find bottom. Now, granted… since mid-teens, I’ve had wider emotional ranges than average. As in diagnosed bipolar a fair while. But, and…
I live longer, ever deeper periods of paranoia. As in a few a month.
Suspecting motives.
Distrusting people.
Feeling everything is unreal… sinister.
Etc.
Etc.
I did experience a few brief episodes, lasting hours-to-days… decades apart, between teenage & 60. Normally triggered by exhaustion. Plus, the current state of the US could freak anybody out. But, and…
My short-term memory…
Difficulty focusing moment to moment…
Constantly losing phone, keys, wallet…
Inability to find words…
Failing memory for faces, names…
Forgetting how to do simple tasks I’ve done for decades…
Rapid mental decline after 6 pm…
Sudden fits of unaccustomed, cranky anger…
Persistent fatigue — mental, emotional, physical…
Yes, these all can be elements of autism. But, and...
They are all decidedly much worse. And noticed & remarked on by those close to me.
Even those who know my autism. Very well.
I must remember,…
- last year I exercised less,
- socialized less,
- ate more,
- drank more,
- smoked more non-nicotine-containing substances,…
and generally did everything I could do to NOT age gracefully.
Blaming my inertia on fear of the Covid…
All tendencies I’m changing. Fast as I can.
And yet…
It is possible some autistics may experience aging minds early. I don’t know of such research. But folks who experience trouble sleeping, a great deal of stress, experience burnouts…
Autistics…
May age differently than the medical model suggests. Or maybe I just went craps in my own personal game of “Guess My Genes.”
I’ll keep you posted. Cuz I think talking about this… might be important to some.
I don’t know another #AutisticSurvivor who does talk about this.
Ya know…
Out loud. When someone else could hear.
And I want you to know…
A part of me…
Autistic me…
Can’t contain my bursting curiosity… about finally knowing…
Unknowing…
Or… Not Knowing…
A few of the mysteries…
That there’s only one way to know.
#AutisticJoy. Bittersweet. But there it is.
P.S. No. I don’t have Covid. Or CFS. And I love you anyway.
Originally published at http://autisticaf.me on May 15, 2021.
