Autism in Poetry: Sensory Overload, NOISE…

“What’s wrong? What’s wrong?!” Jay snaps his head up from his guitar, worried about me.

“Turn it off!” I’m ripping the headphones off my head, struggling with guitar cables, trying not to trip as I jump off my stool, and….

Run the fuck AWAY…

“I don’t know. I don’t know! Turn it off!” I am so having a panic attack. No idea why. “TURN. IT. OFF. NOW.”

I’m jamming with a new friend. Young, 20s. Me 63.

Jay’s a gifted guitarist, vocalist, song writer. And, in Indiana, at this time, young guys are largely into…

Metal.

And this lazy summer afternoon I finally figure out why I don’t get Metal music… despite its obvious artistry… when it’s good.

And Jay, he’s really great. Turns out, at something I hate…

He asked to share one of his new Metal recordings with me. Actually, I’m eager to hear it. I’m very impressed with his skills and talent.

But as it starts to blare out of my PA, I start feeling nervous… anxious… angry…

The frantic beat, the distorted sound, the scream-growling voice, the sheer volume…

The lyrics from Hell…

Completely overwhelm my sensory, emotional, and intellectual processing abilities…

And I just completely skip over “meltdown” and go straight for…

Blind, unreasoning, screaming…

Panic.

Which naturally totally freaks out Jay.

Which further totally freaks me out…

And it all spirals down from there…

Protests. Apologies. Reassurances. Slammed doors. Burning tires.

Which gave me this song/poem.

Not to apologize. Or justify. Or lecture. Or discuss. Or educate. Or enlighten…

To give you the experience of autistic sensory overload.

Another of my written Songs without a Singer. (More here.)

NOISE…

Jim Morrison scream — Drowning Pool beat

Chorus
NOISE…
Too. Much.
Noise.
Noise noise noise.
Too much
Noise noise noise.
Too much
Noise noise noise.
Too. Much.
NOISE….

Verse
Heart pounding
Noise.
Skull splitting
Noise.
Throat ripping
NOISE.
Welcome to the Realm
Of screaming spitting
NOISE.

Verse
Parents yell
Noise.
Teacher’s bell
Noise.
Preachers tell
NOISE.
Born into the Realm
Of dreaming, living dead
NOISE…

Bridge
Screens burn my eyes
Play lists deafen ears
Food tastes like lies
Feeding my mind fears
Pornhub rots my sex
Netflix eats my soul
My only thought…
“What’s next what’s next what’s next”
As I fill another bowl
Bass just keeps on thrumming
Noise beyond reason
Winter for sure is coming
In Satan’s own season…

Verse
Factories pounding
Noise.
Shattered glass sounding
Noise.
Too tightly wound in
NOISE.
Surviving the Realm
Of drowning, suffocating
NOISE.

Chorus/Outro
NOISE…
Too. Much.
Noise.
Noise noise noise.
Too much
Noise noise noise.
Too much
Noise noise noise.
Too. Much.
NOISE…
Too. Much.
Noise…
Too. Much.
n o i s e ….

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Originally published at http://autisticaf.me on May 30, 2020.